Ways to think about and deal with death

So far on this blog, there has been very little talk about what old age leads to: death. But over the past four weeks at Highland Hills, there have been 4 different memorial services for residents, each person a noticeable presence in the community who has left behind close friends and family.

Edmonda Snow, the event and activity coordinator for Highland Hills, has to plan and schedule these memorial services. But also, as the activity coordinator, she spends quite a bit of time getting to know residents socially and personally. "I probably take my job too seriously," she says as she starts to tear up. "We think of ourselves as a big family here, each person becomes like a grandparent and gets to be really hard to see them go."

"Tweet" Moore moved into Highland Hills with her husband last summer, and the two had only been there a short while when she passed away. He was living in their personal care wing, and she had an apartment in the independent living wing, but she would often spend nights in his apartment until he died suddenly in August. "I wasn't prepared for it, I guess no one ever is, but the staff and my friends and neighbors really help me through."

In fact these friends and neighbors are all acutely aware of each others mortality, and this sense of inevitably creates a strong camaraderie. "The key is to stay positive and to live for the moment," says Tweet, "because when someone starts to get hopeless it isn't long before they go."

Some nights, the dining room at Highland Hills is filled with all of the rambunctious hijinks of a high school cafeteria, and everyone seems to try and get in on the fun. Just from looking, you would never think that anyone was close to death. But perhaps it is under the impending specter of death that people find the importance of savoring every minute of life.